Garfield's Gluttony
One sunny summer day I decided to take a walk around my town due to my enjoyment of going for walks. But as I walked past my local bank it exploded in a massive conflagration. Out of the flames strutted a chitinous robot that was at least 4 meters tall, as it strolled by me the robot stopped, looked down at me, handed me a DVD, grew a pair of wings and rocketed into the sky. I went home to watch my new DVD. I kicked open my front door and cartwheeled over to my computer where I stuck the DVD into its mouth and slapped its head to play the DVD. In response my buff Orc computer screamed as his chest split open revealing a screen and keyboard. The DVD began to play showing a title screen called “Garfielf’s Gluttony” I willed a sack of Flaek Korn into existence to munch on while I enjoyed my cool video. It opened with a still frame of a house taken from a house add, I knew this as the price tag was still visible. The house lacked a lawn as the lawn was actually a bunch of rats. The house itself was in pristine condition but was clearly full of ghosts. A mailman began walking up the steps, but it was clear he was green screened in as the house was still a still image. He placed a package on the door step and he vibrated out of existence. The words “7 hours later‘’ appear as white text on a black background that moved to fast. The film cut’s back to the house as John slithers out of the door. He is a badly made 3-D model that barely resembles the character and is T-posing. John picks up the package and slithers back inside his house. Inside John is confronted by a crudely drawn Garfield, neither of them have an actual walk cycle. “John, may I have the lasagna.” “No, you wasteful sack of adipose, you have already feasted upon you weekly allowance of lasaga. I shall not grant you more.” “If I do not get the lesangna I shall explode.” “Then I will glue you back together using the dog again.” “No.” At this a heavily pixilated gif of a mushroom cloud appears in Garfield’s space. However, he is fine aside from having a poorly cropped fire filter over him. John walks past him and places the package on the table. We get to see writing on the box. It reads “To Garfield, with love the Sorcerer King”. “Garfield I must work, I will be back in soon.” John floats upwards through the ceiling and vanishes. “I need lasaga.” Garfield screeches and he climbs atop the table. “This package is for me, John shall pay for his crimes.” Garfield eats the box. The screen begins changing colors and distorting while sludge metal begins playing before everything explodes, implodes, explodes again then proceeds to cover the entire history of the universe and earth starting from the big bang and ending with the life of Jim Davis as he is drawing Garfield’s comic. The scene zoom transitions into the comic panel Davis is working on. It is Garfield’s house looking pristine. Then innumerable teeth burst from the earth surrounding the house as a gargantuan mouth devours the entire thing. The mouth morphs and is revealed to be Garfield’s engorged head that sags into the hole it just created like a blob of Oobleck. From the Garfield head various branches of flesh begin to grow and drag the rest of the Garfield’s enormous, slug-like body out of the earth. The Branches begin dragging the Garfield forward while several large, gangly arms begin grabbing fistfuls of dirt and stuffing them into his maw. “Itt is pain, I wish for death but As an immortal BeINg I CAnnOt DYE!” He screams. Missiles fly towards him but the Garfield begins singing and the missiles turn into Lasagna and are eaten by the Garfield. “The Lasaga is my most precious nectar, I will break time and reality for it!” The Garfield’s mass begins swirling around like a whirlpool with the Garfield’s head at the center remaining still. This carries on for several seconds, Finally the Garfield’s head splits open and begins puking blood into the sky. The Blood begins rotating in the opposite direction and the Garfield whirlpool. “No God is safe!” Bellows the Garfield as he begins growing ring shaped tentacles covered in eyes and starts levitating. Both whirlpools are still happening. Pans of lasagna start raining from the sky. John, still T-posing, vibrates into existence. “You have started the apocalypse because you have been deprived of your lasagna! I disown you cat!” “I shall have my LAsaga and I shall end Za Warudo for my precious nectoer!” The sky shatters like a glass ceiling as the vortex of blood rapidly begins increasing in size and covers the entire sky. The Garfield grows two long spindly legs and starts walking on them while it uses its arms to scoop the lasagna rain into its maw. The Garfield’s blood vomit then transforms into tomato sauce. My focus is robbed from me as I look out the window to see it’s raining lasagna and tomato sauce. A lasagna breaks through the ceiling, hit’s my computer orc and it. I get up from my computer and go outside to see the Garfield feasting upon the lasagna and John was yelling at it. Annoyed I summoned my best yelling voice, pointed at the Garfield and shouted “The Lasagna rejects you!” The wind picked up and the lasagna and tomato sauce began falling lighter and lighter until it stopped completely. The Garfield looked upon me in shock and horror. “The LAsaga cannot reject me, I am it and it is me!” “The Lasagna does not care, it has rejected you!” The vortex of tomato sauce was split open as a gargantuan lasagna surrounded by burning wings and rings covered in eyes descended. It spoke in a deep billowing voice. “True it be, You are forever banned from eating the lasaga by order of the lasaga goddess.” The Lasagna reached out and burned the Garfield on its head causing it to scream. “NO GOD IS SAFE!” The Garfield surged forward and attempted to eat the lasagna. The Lasagna flew upwards in response and the Garfield followed in turn. After several minutes the two had left orbit then the Lasagna exploded killing the Garfield. It rained flesh bits and John melted into tomato sauce. END